Torre Agrees to Manage Dodgers After Only Being Mildly Insulted by Contract Offer

Two weeks after rejecting a one-year offer from the New York Yankees that he described as "insulting," Joe Torre officially became the Los Angeles Dodgers manager on Monday. Torre and the team agreed to terms of a three year, $13 million contract that the manager only found slightly insulting.

"That was a huge factor in this decision," Torre said. "I felt like the staff here in L.A. at least kind of appreciated me and thought I was a passable option to manage the team. They gave me the impression that they did not find me to be completely incompetent, which is nice. After what I've dealt with over the last 12 seasons, I'll take it. I'm kind of hurting for confidence here so even these small victories are welcome."

After the Yankees made him a take-it-or-leave-it, incentive based offer which he took as an indication that the team was looking to go in a different direction, Torre's time in New York came to a contentious end. He promptly rejected the offer, but he said he never dreamed another team would ask him to be their manager.

"I thought I was stupid and ugly and that nobody would want me," he said. "Then my phone rang and it was the Dodgers. I couldn't believe it. Another historically significant organization with an overinflated sense of self importance was actually considering me, Joe Torre, as a potential suitor. What are the odds? Just when my confidence was at an all time low after being dumped by the star quarterback, I get asked out by the Homecoming King. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world."

Torre assured the Dodgers that he would have no problems adjusting to only being insulted for his physical appearance, as is the custom in Los Angeles. He also agreed that occasional, smaller insults were better motivators for him than the full fledged, in-your-face put downs he'd become accustomed to.

"I've been getting completely insulted by my employer for a long time now and after awhile it wears on you. Sometimes it feels good to feel like you're only being slightly insulted, maybe it's just me. I immediately felt that way the second I came to Los Angeles. I really had a feeling that the insults being hurled at me by people here were mainly about my nose. And most of those insults were under their breath or behind my back. That feels good. It's nice to not be bombarded head on with that stuff. Plus, nobody questions your ability to do your job here because most of them don't care. They show up in the top of the sixth and they're gone by the eighth. Not to mention the stuff I'd see in the papers in New York will not be a factor here. Lucky for me, people don't read out here."