THE AIRING OF GRIEVANCES: The NFL Network

Every week on PRAY FOR MOJO we conduct "The Airing of Grievances." We've got a lot of problems with you people, now you're going to hear about it:

Ah, good old NFL. Purveyor of acceptable, controlled violence, bringer of distractions from the realization that another work week looms, excuse to drink on Sundays. America loves you NFL, you know it and we know it and you'd have to try and pull something really stupid to screw this up- like Major League Baseball stupid! You'd have to do something like try to play keep away with your games and hold your fans ransom if they don't pay for your network. You'd have to pull something where the possibility arises that on any given week the most interesting game on your schedule will be inaccessible to 75 percent of population, like having 10-1 Dallas play 10-1 Green Bay only on NFL Network. Now why would you wanna go and do a thing like that?

I always knew the NFL had communist tendencies- "Oh, your socks are too high- that'll be $750,000! That is not an NFL approved towel- that'll cost ya. $500,000! Oh, you murdered a couple of people- $250,000!" But the fact that they've come to the point where they insist on controlling the information is a little scary. If it gets to the point where the only network showing the NFL is the NFL network then how can we expect to get the honest and insightful commentary we've become accustomed to on other channels?

And the NFL has been wise to hitch their wagon to DirectTV. Another way to force the majority of people out of their homes if they want to enjoy your product. Does nobody over there at the NFL realize that if the Sunday Ticket was available on a basic cable box like the college gameplans or the MLB package that EVERY FAN WOULD BUY IT! It's not that difficult to figure out, here's the equation: football + not having to leave the house + not having to watch a game like, say, Bears@Raiders = money! And in the end that's all this is really about, the NFL wants more of your money. The billions of dollars from deals with four networks and merchandising notwithstanding, the league is struggling. It needs your help to stay afloat.

Really, aside from the eight or so games they hoard from the public each season, at what time and for what reason would I want to have the NFL network? "Oh boy, the combine is on! I hope I haven't missed the cone drills! Aw man, the Wonderlic test has already been administered! I can't believe I missed it!" No, nobody cares. The NFL Network can Wonderlic my balls.