A-Rod Distracts Attention From AL MVP Announcement with Announcement He Likes Attention, Money

Alex Rodriguez won his third American League most valuable player award Monday, but the announcement was met with less fanfare than normal due to the fact that Rodriguez and his agent Scott Boras were holding a news conference on an unrelated, less important matter at the same time. Rodriguez and Boras decided that of all their chances to cause a narcissistic distraction after the World Series, baseball's awards season was their best option.

"We've called this news conference to inform you that Alex craves attention and money," Boras said. "And not just any amount of either will do. His contract must be the largest in professional sports history ever time he signs and Alex wants everyone to like him so badly that he won't stop pressing until they do. The constant chatter of SportsCenter notwithstanding, Alex really feels like their could be much more talk about him; how great he is or how great a season he had or how great he looks, that's the one he brings up the most. He really wants people to notice his appearance, that's why he plucks his eyebrows between innings and shines his cleats before each at bat so that they're gleaming white. He hates being dirty."

Bob DuPay, Major League Baseball's chief operating officer, was furious when he heard about Rodriguez's poorly timed announcement and slammed Boras for what he called "myopic, arrogant behavior."

"We were very disappointed that Scott Boras would try to upstage an event that was already scheduled to focus on his client to produce his own distraction," DuPay said. "We were already having a ceremony for Alex, complete with video montage and the presentation of a trophy, but I guess that wasn't good enough. Apparently their selfish interests are more important to them than the game of baseball. Frankly, I'm starting to understand why Derek Jeter doesn't invite Alex to sleep over anymore."

When he was asked if he was aware that Rodriguez was being awarded the MVP in a separate ceremony at the same time Boras at first declined to comment, but near the end of his press conference the agent decided to apoligize.

"I would like to again apologize to Major League Baseball," he said. "In our ongoing pursuit of constant attention we overlooked the fact that Alex was already scheduled to receive well earned plaudits today. We're just so focused on making Alex THE story at all times that we lost sight of the fact that he was already going to be the story. We apologize and hope that this will not cost us any money."