Fiesta Bowl Still Eyeing Notre Dame Despite Pathetic Season

Despite the fact that, at 1-9, Notre Dame football is suffering through one of the worst seasons in its program's history, the Fighting Irish got some good news Thursday. Officials from the Fiesta Bowl and its sponsor Tostitos offered the school a spot in the high profile BCS bowl, sighting money and the fact that Irish fans travel well and spend their money when they arrive.

"Were there other teams that may have been more deserving? Sure," Fiesta Bowl spokesman John Rack said. "Look, we knew this move was going to be controversial, but we have to make the decisions that are best for our game. Let's just say that landing Notre Dame for the Fiesta Bowl feels like a million bucks, if...you know what I mean. And after all, isn't that what College football is all about? Who can make business men and university presidents the most money, regardless of records or qualifications."

For his part, Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis was ecstatic and said his team would be ready. He promised that if his team did not win the game he would go on a hunger strike the rest of that evening, a claim he later backed off of after viewing tape of possible opponents Oklahoma and West Virginia. But Weis did stand up against his detractors and promised that Notre Dame would make a better showing this year than in recent bowl games.

"We're happy for the opportunity to prove we can keep a bowl game within 40 points," Weis said. "I promise you, this year you won't be hearing this joke: 'What's green and gets smoked in bowls? Notre Dame.' And what's great is that we play Duke this weekend and we should beat them, as long as they don't have any kids in ROTC on their squad. It's nice that we play them at the end of the year because we should be able to pull off a win and as we all know, losing one of your last regular season games is worse than losing one of your first games. It's completely logical and I think the inclusion of an undermanned, plucky team like us in the BCS proves that the current system is not irrevocably broken, as some pundits have suggested."

Tostitos president Eric Williams said that the chips and Charlie Weis make natural bedfellows. Williams said that the coach has told him on numerous occasions that his company's variety of chips and cheese and ranch dips are some of his favorite breakfast items.

"It's a winning pairing," Williams said. "We make salty snacks and Charlie eats them. How can you go wrong with that? Charlie even once told me a story about a night he was polishing off a bag of our delicious Tostitos Scoops(TM) and he ended up dropping one and couldn't find it. Well, low and behold, a couple of days later Charlie is sponging off his front-butt when he finds the Scoop. Oh, we laughed and laughed about that one. And yes, he ate it. You know, when I hear stories like that, I realize how much he loves our product. I think that's as good a reason as any to invite a 1-9 team to one of the premier bowl games. And once we assured Charlie that he wouldn't be playing one of the service academies, he was all for it."