THE AIRING OF GRIEVANCES: The '72 Dolphins

Today we introduce a new section on PRAY FOR MOJO called "The Airing of Grievances." Each week we'll chose somebody or somebodies with whom we've got a lot of problems. Now they're going to hear about it:

The 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated team in NFL history, are a bitter old bunch. They're angry, tired, cold and convinced their nurses are stealing from them. They also want to be sure you don't forget about them. Every year these attention starved old men go out of their way to stay in the public eye. Be it popping off about the unworthiness of whichever current team remains undefeated or placing one of their own in a prominent hosting position on America's favorite syndicated Gladiator related television program, they've always found a way to remain in football fans' collective consciousness.

Well, the time is here again. It's the time of year when the whole cantankerous collection of them get pissed because they think people are going to erase their team and what they accomplished from their memory banks. Usually former linebacker Nick Buoniconti is the mouthpiece. Buonticonti loves the spotlight and he'll say anything to make himself part of a story. Sadly, his tactics often work and his antics are thoroughly reported despite the fact that he's not the least bit relevant.

However, this time the '72 Dolphins drew their biggest gun- head coach and all-time NFL coaching wins leader Don Shula. Shula says if the 2007 New England Patriots finish undefeated their accomplishment should be accompanied by an asterisk due to their, shall we say, voyeuristic tendencies. No question Shula's a legend, but his sour grapes just make him sound spiteful.

It'd be one thing if a terrible team like the '07 Dolphins were winning all of their games and then were found to be cheating. Although I doubt Shula would have anything to say then, but there would be an explanation as to why such a poorly constructed team was winning so many games. That's when you talk about an asterisk. Asterisks are assigned to records that would not have been broken without operation outside the rules. Doesn't apply here, the Patriots are a machine, with or without the spying.

Are you honestly suggesting that this team that is beating the living hell out of opponents, a team whose three time Super Bowl winning quarterback is set to demolish a barely three year old touchdown record that was thought would never be broken, a team that has so many weapons they could walk onto the field each Sunday without a minute of preparation and still win 99 percent of their games is only doing so because they were taping opponents' sidelines? That's ridiculous, outrageous, egregious, preposterous.

Hey as long as we're assigning arbitrary asterisks, I think Shula's wins should have one next to them due to his son Dave's head coaching career. Little Davey was the worst coach in Cincinnati Bengals history. That's like being the drunkest guy in Ireland. You've really got to do something to distinguish yourself from the rest of the pack. To be the worst anything in Cincinnati Bengals history is an extremely difficult accomplishment, but Dave pulled it off. He went 19-53 in four and a half years! Makes Rich Kotite look like Vinny Lombardi.

I am not a Patriots fan. In fact, you might even say I hate the Patriots, but I'm starting to hate the '72 Dolphins above all else- including paper cuts, Ryan Seacrest, bird flu, public transportation, The Black Eyed Peas, the mere sight of Reba McEntire and Jay Leno. I hope the Patriots lose this season, particularly their week 14 matchup with a certain team in black and gold, but if they don't at least it will put an end to the '72 Dolphins constant whining about something different every year. Go away old men, and take your champagne with you. It's getting irritating guys- now pipe down or we're going to put you in a home. If you're already in a home then we'll put in that crooked home we saw on "60 Minutes." You've been warned.