Barry Bonds, baseball's controversial all-time home run leader, was indicted on perjury and obstruction of justice charges Thursday afternoon. Bonds is charged with lying to a grand jury about his use of performance enhancing drugs and could face a maximum of 30 years in prison if convicted. However, PRAY FOR MOJO has learned that whenever Bonds does get hauled off to the pokey, he will have a pleasant surprise waiting there for him. Hank Aaron, the man whose home run record Bonds broke, has recorded a special message to Barry to be shown to him as he settles into his cell. We've received a transcript which we'll now share with you:"I would like to welcome Barry Bonds to the federal penitentiary. Throughout the past century, prison has held a special place in baseball history. Now the all-time hits leader and the all-time home run leader will have done hard time. I have been fortunate enough to never have had to worry about going to the slammer, but this is no longer about me. I extend my best wishes to Barry and his family as they prepare for many visits spent separated by a thick piece of bulletproof glass. And I thank Barry for screwing up so badly that my record will be rightfully returned to me as I'm hailed as even more of a baseball hero than before.
Your terrible decisions and insistence on being an asshole to everyone you came into contact with have really boosted my legacy. My hope today, as it was on that April day when I originally broke the record, is that my accomplishments will inspire others to chase their dreams. And my hope for you today is that you are able to protect yourself from the numerous shower rapists that are sure to be in your future. Take care of yourself Barry. I hope you get a nice cell-mate and he doesn't try to shank you while you sleep. Oh, and don't worry about boycotting the Hall of Fame because they accepted your record breaking Home Run ball that was branded with an asterisk. You'll most likely never be invited."
2 comments:
bonds didn't do 'roids dude.
He didn't know he was doing roids though, just like Stec didn't he taking acid 3 hours before the UD Parents Weekend water polo game.
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