MLB Denies the Existence of the Cleveland Indians

Despite leading the American League Central division and being within three games of the best record in baseball entering the season's final two weeks, Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig disavowed any knowledge Thursday of a team named the Cleveland Indians.

"I'm unaware of the existence of baseball being played anywhere in the Cleveland area, or anywhere in the state of Ohio for that matter," Selig said. "What I am aware of is the pivotal showdown between the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox starting this weekend. These teams only play 28 more times the rest of this year, and of those only 26 are televised on the ESPN family of networks, so I advise fans looking for baseball playoff race action to tune into those games."

Selig's statements confused and angered Indians players and coaches that have nearly completed a full schedule, only to find out that their games don't count and their franchise does not exist.

"It's tough to believe because I know we've been playing these games against other teams," Indians outfielder Grady Sizemore said. "But I never realized that it was all in our heads."

Tribe Manager Eric Wedge refused to go along with Selig's story. "I'm real," Wedge said. "I know I exist."

Selig conceded that there were "probably franchises in between Boston and Los Angeles," but fell short of acknowledging either central division or the Indians specifically. "We're talking about Indians, as in feathers, right? Well the only Indians I know are drunks and/or casino pit bosses."