Mensa Revokes Weis' Genius Status

Mensa, the world's largest and oldest high-IQ society, announced it was revoking Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis' membership Monday in a move to satisfy its remaining roster of displeased geniuses. Weis was widely praised as a coaching mastermind after leading Notre Dame to a 9-2 record in 2005, his first year as head coach, but struggles on defense and in bowl games over the past two seasons have led to him being regarded as nothing more than Tyrone Willingham with a fupa.

"It is with great trepidation that we rescind coach Weis' membership," Mensa president Rumer T. Scout said. "As a group of the most intelligent people in the world we pride ourselves on not overreacting and jumping to conclusions. We don't like to bestow memberships only to find out the recipient is not worthy. This isn't the goddamn National Honor Society, I'm trying to run a genius club here and I don't like to be embarrassed."

While saying he disagreed with the termination, Weis said he understood why Mensa officials came to the decision. "I vow to regain my Mensa membership if it's the last thing I do," Weis said. "Luckily, while this is very painful, I still have the utmost confidence in myself, mentally and physically. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an aerobics class to attend. I lead an active lifestyle and I'm not going to let this news get in the way of that. The body's a temple, that's what I always say."

Scout didn't address the possibility of Weis regaining his Mensa membership and would only say that he was "glad we did not sign Weis to something crazy, like a ten year membership agreement. I'd hate to have been locked in to him for that long."