Ladies and Gentlemen, This is Your 2007 PRAY FOR MOJO Professional Tackle Football Preview (AFC North/South Edition)

From the east coast to the west coast, down the Dixie Highway and back home, this is our country. And if there's one thing our country loves more than cheeseburgers or freedom it's football. So today, as the 2007 NFL season gets set to kick off, PRAY FOR MOJO has all the uniformed, partisan information you need to mouth off like an ass on Sundays. We're going to keep each team's preview short and sweet, just the facts of what to expect this year. But make no mistake, PRAY FOR MOJO is THE definitive source for NFL information you won't get anywhere else. Basically, I could kick John Clayton's ass, probably:

AFC NORTH
1. Pittsburgh Steelers: The Steelers reclaim the division but not before the jarring news that their coach for the last 15 years was not who he said he was- "Bill Cower" was actually Chicago Cubs broadcaster Bob Brenly.

'07 Record: 11-5

2. Cincinnati Bengals: Marvin Lewis continues to prove what a defensive genius he truly is when the Bengals proceed to lower their opponents' scoring average by 12 to roughly 37 points per game.
'07 Record: 9-7

3. Baltimore Ravens: In an effort to solidify his image as a tough player Steve McNair agitates Ray Lewis for the first four weeks of the season and is subsequently never heard from again. Much to the delight of this guy, but the dismay of Brian Billick, Kyle Boller takes over and does what he always does, suck.
'07 Record: 8-8

4. Cleveland Browns: A solid draft on paper gives Browns fans hope for a turnaround season. Those hopes quickly turn to hopes of another solid draft when they pick highly yet again in '08. Around week six the Browns turn to rookie Brady Quinn...and ask him to run the water bottles out to the huddle during a timeout.
'07 Record: 6-10

AFC SOUTH
1. Indianapolis Colts: Peyton Manning stays fresh for another Super Bowl run by ceding the worst of his commercial roles to back-up Jim Sorgi. Sorgi relishes the opportunity because he understands he'll be third string at best in '08 when Eli Manning is signed to back-up brother Peyton.
'07 Record: 12-4

2. Jacksonville Jaguars: Jags coach Jack Del Rio, decked out in his finest Reebok tailored suit, misses three home games while admiring himself in his office's vanity mirror. Jacksonville loses all three and never fully recovers. But damn does he look dapper.

'07 Record: 8-8

3. Tennessee Titans: The loss of PacMan Jones really hurts the Titans in the locker room, where PacMan was a calming, unifying presence. In his 12th season as Titans head coach Jeff Fisher's mustache is no longer the intimidatory or motivational tool it once was and the Titans limp to the finish line.

'07 Record: 7-9

4. Houston Texans: The Texans put together one of the great seasons in their history, tying the franchise record for the second most wins in a season. Unfortunately that number is six. Additionally, 2006 first round draft pick Mario Williams officially changes his name to Sam Bowie.
'07 Record: 6-10