Amid speculation that he would not return for his 13th season as manager of the St. Louis Cardinals, Tony LaRussa announced this week that he would be coming back for at least the next two seasons. LaRussa said the fire to manage still burned inside of him, plus he had a few watering holes he wasn't ready to say good bye to yet."There's Fitz's, Murph's and Bailey's," LaRussa said. "Not to mention the Stone Rose, Sweet Lou's and Dr. Drink-a-stein. St. Louis is the home of Budweiser and I'm the manager of the Cardinals. Do you realize what that means? That means that in between bottles of red wine I get all the free Bud I want. That's like a sore wiener, you can't beat it!"
LaRussa was taking slugs off a jug of Carlo Rossi Merlot during his press conference and was having difficulty keeping his balance. He often drifted in and out of topics, usually before the discussion resolved of its own volition. He told one reporter he loved him, got into a fist fight with another and told another that he was "the guy- that's the guy that makes it happen right there." He also seemed easily distracted, especially enamored with an unattractive female reporter and left to use the restroom three times during a 20 minute press conference.
"Anyone who doesn't think the Cardinals are going to rule this year has to answer to me," LaRussa proclaimed. "I'm going to manage my ass off, let's stay in touch over the summer, who wants pancakes? On me!"
As numerous beat reporters rushed the stage with the promise of free food hanging in the air, LaRussa slumped to the floor and was quickly swept off stage by members of the Cardinals media relations department. Team spokesman Jeff Merritt assured the media that LaRussa was just dealing with a nasty case of the flu and was not himself.
"Tony's been up all night throwing up," Merritt said. "He didn't sleep a wink and it's all due to the, um, flu like symptoms he's dealing with. We're going to dry him out, I mean, get him some medicine and he'll be just fine. He's had this particular flu bug for quite some time now and we have no doubt he'll work it out by the time spring training begins. Thank you, no further questions."
11 comments:
The Cardinals spokesman's name is Tom Yaght. Please remedy.
He's actually a great guy. My wife and I saw him on the street one time before a big weekend series with the cubs and he talked with us about baseball for 10-15 minutes. Also, check his blood alcohol level. It was barley over the limit. Not that its ever right to drink and drive but these limits are arbitrary.
SHUT UP CHIP! I'M GONNA COME AT YOU LIKE A SPIDER MONKEY! CHIP, I'M ALL JACKED UP ON MOUNTAIN DEW!
I bet your wife saw Nelly and Nations too! Did she go to Kirkwood? Don't try to act like you have a wife, unless it's Lucy!
Your comments are overwhelmingly intelligent so I can't understand them. With that material you should start your own blog.
Chip=Tommy I bet he knows Pronger and Nelly's Lawyer.
Chip=Lucy Because Tommy was Lucy on Halloween and looked more like Lucy then Lucy does Tommy is Lucy
Chip=Jeff Jeff really is Tommy reliving his UD days. That's why Tommy never comes to the ThrowDowns.
Next years Throwdown?
Chip,
You should change your name to Skip. It'd be much cooler. Tell Scoter to sit on a carrot.
Signed,
Lippy08
Another 4 days gone by without an update, who runs this BLOG?
Typical, I bet next we will get an article about something with the Red Sox winning the series or maybe he will be clever and write about Indy v. New England? Maybe something about Manning and his stupid commercials. Will probably be assnine anyway
You guys, I can hear you.
The only thing that's typical is that you suck. Man, you are like super-smart. I bet girls fall all over you because of how awesomely smart you are. Yesterday, did you show both of your friends how super-smart you are by guessing every newspaper would have an article about the Sox winning the World Series?
Hey everyone, guess what? I will bet you all that after the Super Bowl, the media writes about it. Look at me, be my friend!
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