Deceased Red Sox Fan Still Bitter About Timing of 2003 Brain Hemorrhage

When Brookline, Massachusetts resident Michael Shaughnessy passed away in November 2003 he was content with the life he had led. He had a lot of friends, a loving supportive family and enough pleasant memories to tide him over for the rest of eternity. His only regret was that his beloved Boston Red Sox never won a World Series in his lifetime, but he was at peace with that because he was convinced it would never happen even if he lived to be 100 years old. Then, nearly a year later, the Red Sox pulled off their amazing run for the championship and have now won two in four years, a fact that fills Shaughnessy with what heavenly scholars call "post death depression syndrome," commonly referred to as "ghost rage."

"I spent my entire miserable existence watching those losers and how do they repay me? By winning the year after I die. Assholes," Shaughnessy said. "My everlasting memory of them is Aaron Boone hitting a walk off homer to beat them. AARON BOONE! At least it could have been Jeter, but no, it's Aaron 'I'm now a backup first baseman for the Marlins' Boone. Makes me sick. I'm surprised my brain didn't explode sooner."

Shaughnessy said he gets to watch all the Red Sox games because in heaven you get to do whatever you want as long as it's a God approved activity. However, he said the enjoyment of seeing them win was lessened because he was watching it on his cloud alone with no alcohol in his system.

"Booze is against the rules up here," he said. "Meanwhile they serve wine at church down there and everyone in Ireland is fall down drunk, but they turn a blind eye to that. They even have a fundraising festival up here once a year at the pearly gates where they serve beer and set up black jack tables, but then the rest of the year they punish us if the find out we've gotten ahold of some consecrated wine. We're constantly getting mixed messages."

So angry is Shaughnessy that the Red Sox have won two World Series since his death that he is considering haunting somebody in the organization just to release some of his pent up resentment toward the team. He likens his decision to something he said to his wife on their wedding night.

"I told her that if I died and she ever remarried, I'd haunt her forever," he said. "I think it's fair and I think it's definitely fair for the Red Sox after what they did to me. I haven't decided who I'll go after yet. I could do Manny, but he'd probably not even notice so he's out. Instead of doing the players I'm thinking more along the lines of front office guys. In the end, I'll most likely go after (GM Theo) Epstein because he's still a kid and will probably be most frightened. I read on Wikipedia that he sleeps with a nightlight- sounds like somebody's afraid of the dark. Bingo! What more could a ghost ask for? I'll haunt him good!"