Wisconsin Child Facing Deportation After Naming Teddy Bear 'Brett Favre'

One week after a British teacher was jailed and then deported from Sudan for allowing her students to name a teddy bear "Mohammad," a move the Sudanese government classified as insulting toward the founder and prophet of Islamic faith, an American child was preparing for a similar fate for a comparable, westernized version of the same transgression. Billy Berkemper, 8, of Ashwaubenon, Wisconsin was taken into custody by federal authorities Tuesday after it was revealed that he had named one of his stuffed bears "Brett Favre" after the popular Green Bay Packers quarterback.

"This little scum bag probably thought he could just name his beenie babies anything he wanted," one official, speaking on condition of anonymity due to the pending nature of the case, said. "Maybe this snot-nosed brat didn't realize it because he's too busy eating paste, but Brett Favre is America and here in America we don't tolerate this kind of crap. As the closest thing we have to divinity here in the States, Favre should be treated with the appropriate level of reverence. We'd be just as upset if he'd named the toy something like 'Ameri-bear.' Although that is a pretty cool name, it's not OK. American and American Light brand beer and American cheese, those are the two products that are allowed to specifically use America as an affiliation. Otherwise, it's off limits because it's too close to using Brett Favre. Those who do not show America the proper respect are subject to prosecution to the fullest extent of the law. Why should it be any different for little punks that think they can write Favre's name on their Teddy Ruxpin with a Sharpie? After they're done huffing it, that is."

Billy's parents, Todd and Sherry Berkemper, call the accusations against their son "groundless" and the arrest "ridiculous." They have vowed to prove that their son is being unjustly held and to fight to keep him from being sent to the Guantanamo Bay detention camp. For his part, Billy, speaking from his holding cell in the Green Bay Correctional Institute, seemed confused and under the impression that he was being taken to camp.

"Oh boy, this is going to be fun," he said. "Yippee. I can't wait to make candles and learn to build a campfire and then sing songs around it. And last year we got to do basket weaving and soapstone carving- I'm going to make my mommy something pretty for her birthday. I just hope my roommate is nicer this year. Last year I had a nighttime accident and my roommate Bobby told everyone, but I'm not worried this time. The heavily armored camp counselor that forced his way into my mommy and daddy's house and swept me away while I slept told me that my future roommate was going to be 'real happy to see a pretty young thing like you.' That's great news. Yippee! I'm ever so excited! Hooray for camp! I hope they let me bring my teddy 'Brett Favre,' I can't sleep without him."